Poem: Ceiling
Published 1 year, 11 months ago in My life.Ceiling
Moments unfold in depths untold
Of flickering candles glowing gold
Mixed with streetlights slide to streetfights
Twisted faces slurred though daylight
Gasps to ghastly plans devised
Of sparkling eyes all winking lies
The poisoned chalice without malice
What happens next? Oh dear, do tell us
Panic grips, sweat, tears, rain; drips
Ragged breathing, turning, slips
Falls into haunted disbelief
Taunted, flaunted, not-quite-grief
That spins the places, laughing faces
Morph to winning and losing races
Choosing sides, exciting rides
Loudest silence as one hides
And slides to feeling, as I, left reeling
Watch it play out upon my ceiling.
(C) Lady Chaos 2007
9 Responses to “Poem: Ceiling”
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First item in for today. You’re another early Sunday riser I see
Nice poem. Hope to see more.
:) Yep, off to work early on Sunday… after all it’s the best day to work, what with the extra pay! I just thought I’d post a poem… Nook didn’t seem to have any poems on it already.
Oh lady,
I’m sorry to say.
But if you like being a butcher
Stay at it!
Are you a goff?
Okay, here is the news,Aand its not coming from me Shadow,its my published profesional writer human.
Ya see, ya dont gotta rhyme, every time,
coz it aint worth a dime, if it rhyme every line.
Now that is cute, and it rhymes, but it doesnt create a mind picture, or an emotional feeling, a word picture.
One of my lecturers in a professional writing
diploma coures i did (Doris Leadbetter, very respected) had a huge argument with me, coz i was an obsessive rhymer.
Ya see, it just becomes cute, or clever. If you really want to make your poem talk, or create an emotion- GIVE UP THE RHYME.
Its in the flow of the thing. In the words of the guy from the movie The castle, “Its the vibe of the thing.”
Writing is a subjective thing. People will knock you, and some will praise you. Thats what being a writer is all about. What ya gotta remember is, the novel Catch 22 was rejected something like 300 times before it was published. Dont give up, keep honing your craft.
The best advice, is get with other credible (probably published) writers and workshop your work.The best way to learn is get constructive criticism from those who have been doing it a while with success.
John
Thanks for the advice, John… I do write both rhyming and non-rhyming poems… the thing is most “modern” poems that I read don’t rhyme, and aren’t famous, whereas all the old poems that are famous, and the modern rap music that is popular, do, in fact, rhyme. I just find it makes it somewhat more enjoyable to recite or read.
I dunno… perhaps I am overly influenced by rap… most of my poems don’t rhyme as intensely as this one does. I like a variety of rhyming/non rhyming… if the rhyme gets in the way of the imagery, I cut it out… but if it works with it, then I keep it.
Once again, I appreciate the advice… even if my poetry is just a hobby, it is nice to get constructive criticism.
Thanks for your time.
nice job!
i really like it, rather intense
i also write a bit of poetry
tis good fun
Jen
Nice poem. You are very talented.
NINE TO FIVE
Why would you ever want to live
In a world where there’s nothing left to give
Where we strive and push to be our best
Work so hard and never rest
Is it all for nothing? A waste of time?
Or is there more to this rhyme?
If I knew these answers I’d down my pen
Never ever write again
Live my life just for today
Have everything my own way
But without a worry in the world
Surely I’d be very bored
So I’ll take my worry, pain and stress
That inner urge to be my best
Continue to live this crazy life
It’s what I know and what I like?
Good poem… and so true… I think we live in a world where there IS something left to give, that is why we strive and push to be our best.
Worry, pain and stress are good in small doses… they give us a reason to advance.
:) Keep up the good work!